Rugby in School

​​​​​​​​​​​​​​As the Senior Rugby season draws to a close it is, perhaps, worth reminding ourselves of the value of the sport of Rugby to Schools.

Rugby at Bethany has become the mainstay of the boys’ sporting calendar and has usurped, to a degree, football at a senior level. There are many reasons why this has been the case but principally the main reasons for this are the reasons why rugby is so valuable in Schools.

First and foremost, to be successful on a rugby pitch requires the whole team to work together in all aspects of the game. There is no time to drop out or drift in and out of a match when everyone on the team is responsible for the defensive line and structure, or the attacking lines required from both forwards and backs at every breakdown.

It is no surprise that in his pursuit of Olympic Gold for Fiji at the Rio game that Ben Ryan’s mantra was ‘the standard you walk past is the standard you set’. This simply meant that everyone in the team had to be the witness to the standards of the group and, therefore, not shirk from those standards.

The New Zealand All Blacks and the British and Irish Lions highlight for every player the need to honour the jersey, to honour the sacrifice of those that have gone before and to live up to the expectations of all those who have got them to the point of playing for their respective sides.

Therefore, what rugby highlights is the value of community and how we work together towards a goal as a community, as a team and as a group we can achieve excellence.

At Bethany, being part of the Senior Rugby squad gives boys the opportunity to integrate across three-year groups and to knit together through this shared experience especially on the annual tour. This means that they have a shared bond which sees them build friendships that will last a lifetime.

The second value of rugby is that it teaches young people to persist. We can marvel at the way in which the referee in rugby is still treated with due respect, the referee is still called ‘sir’ by the players and coaches and the referee’s decisions are final and accepted with no argument.

Further, in order to be prepared to take the physical contacts and be able to be the support to the ball carrier working hard to get on their shoulder takes immense self-discipline. It would be very easy to shy away from tackling a big lad by diving for the tackle but not quite getting there, but this is what leads to injuries and equally lets your mates down.

Not getting up from the mud quickly in order to get back on the ball carrier can lead to him being isolated so it takes real persistence to be motivated enough to get there and be the support. All these lessons teach players the value of persistence, a value that is essential in life because it means that you can be someone people rely on.

At Bethany, the expectation for the Senior Rugby squad is that they come to training for two lunchtimes a week on top of the games afternoons which are usually dominated by fixtures. They have the opportunity to pit themselves against a range of School sides and Tunbridge Wells Rugby Club. In order to meet these obligations, they are required to persist even when the weather turns and they have lots of other commitments calling on their time.

Without a doubt, the reason why playing rugby is so important to the development of young people is that they have to put someone else first. That is also the Bethany way and long may that continue.

 

Giving and receiving

​​​​​​​​​​​​​​The joy of giving is greater than the pleasure of receiving

When you ask anybody what they love about Christmas, there is no single definitive answer, ranging from decorations to food and from family to presents.

For me, I’ve always known that the most important and enjoyable aspect of the festive season is seeing friends, whom I have made a commitment to see more of, but due to busy lifestyles, we invariably do not see each other as often as I would wish.

From a personal perspective, I always get more joy out of giving than receiving as when I give I feel really good about myself.

There is a very good scientific reason why giving gifts is better than receiving them, and it’s not only because our parents drilled the idea into us from the earliest opportunity – it is all thanks to this (admittedly slightly sinister-looking) molecule, Oxytocin.

Oxytocin is also known as the ‘love hormone’, the ‘hug hormone’ or the ‘cuddle chemical’ because all of these things make your body release it in abundance. It is the primary reason why these things make us happy and both giving and receiving gifts will produce oxytocin.

Given that many children like receiving far more than giving, I do wonder whether this is because the production of oxytocin increases as one gets older. There must be studies done somewhere in the world on this as a hypothesis.

There may be complicated biological explanations for why giving makes us happy, but do you really need to understand it to know that being generous is a good thing? I am personally delighted when I see generosity taking place, whether it is between friends and family, or simply welcoming loved ones to your home.

I like to think that it’s simpler than chemistry and the fact we feel good because we are doing good. Being generous requires little encouragement, especially at Christmas. All I need is the thought of the smiles of the people around me at this time of year, and the presence of family and friends joining in the festivities. What more can you ask for, really?

Finally, it is worth remembering that what is important is not what is under the Christmas tree but who is around it.

Peer pressure

​​​​​​​In other words, peer pressure is when we feel that we have to do something because our friends are doing it. There may be occasions when we are afraid to speak our mind in case we get laughed at. When we feel torn between what our friends are doing, saying or thinking and what we really want to do, say or think.

Peer pressure tends to be associated with children and School but it is equally valid in the world of work and in society in general.

Of course, if our peer group is nice, responsible and sensible then copying what they are doing may be a good thing. Bethany is full of very nice peers. On the other hand, if our peers are up to no good and leading us astray then that is not good.

Our peers could be our friends where we live or work. Have you ever heard the saying “they are following each other around like sheep”? Or maybe we had a discussion with our parents, where they have asked us why we did something daft. Our reply may have been something along the lines of “ we did it because our friends did it”. And our parents might have said, “And if your friends jumped off a cliff, would you follow them?”

Peers influence our lives, even if we don’t realize it, just by spending time with us. We learn from them, and they learn from us. It’s only human nature to listen to and learn from other people in our age group.

Peers can have a positive influence on each other. Maybe another pupil, when you were at School, taught you an easy way to remember some algebra, or someone on the netball team taught you a good move. Perhaps a friend whom you work with recommended a good book for you to read, a good holiday destination, or introduced you to a new hobby or past time or indeed recommended a good school for your child.

Some young people give in to peer pressure to be liked, to fit in, or worry that others may make fun of them if they don’t go along with the group. Some may go along because they are curious to try something new that others are doing. The idea that “everyone’s doing it” may influence some young people to leave their better judgment, or their common sense, behind. But if peer pressure is making us do something that you know is wrong, and could get you into trouble, or that makes us feel uncomfortable, then we should not do it.

The young people of today may feel pressured to drink an alcoholic drink, use social media inappropriately, or experiment with a substance, or lose weight, or look a certain way or do something wrong just to fit in. All of these are wrong and should be resisted.

It is tough to say “no” to peer pressure, but it can be done if we seek some help. We may also need to find our own inner strength that will enable us to walk away from uncomfortable situations.

If we continue to face peer pressure and we are finding it difficult to handle, we need to talk to someone we trust. In addition to having a very supportive parent body at Bethany, our pupils are very fortunate in that there are a range of people to within the Bethany community to go to for assistance including but not limited to; a teacher, a friend, an older pupil, the School nurse, the School Chaplain, House staff etc and we can get the right help so that we are better prepared for the next time we face unwelcome peer pressure

Remember that peer pressure can be a positive thing, such as:

• Our peers can motivate us to do better at school or at work
• They can inspire us to do something creative or pro-active
• They can cheer us up when we are feeling down, and help give us support when we can’t find it elsewhere.

As long as it is increasing the happiness of everyone, and not making anyone feel anxious, stressed or upset, peer pressure is good but if peer pressure is making us doing something that we would rather not do then it far from OK and we should remove ourselves from this group. If we cannot do it alone then we must get assistance to help us out. We all need help from time to time.

In summary, it can be really tempting to do everything we can to fit in with our friends, but if we don’t feel comfortable, it’s OK to say “no” and make our own choices.

At Bethany we want all our pupils to be the very best versions of themselves and not second rate versions of anyone else.